• My first wife didn't like to fly, either. --Gordon Baxter
• That's not flying, that's just falling with style. --Woody, from 'Toy Story'
• There is an art . . . to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. --Douglas Adams
• Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle. It's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes. --Rex Kramer, from 'Airplane'
• We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor? --from 'Airplane.'
• The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee. --Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel
• When the weight of the paper equals the weight of the airplane, only then you can go flying. -- Donald Douglas (Mr. DC-n).
• The bulk of mankind is as well equipped for flying as thinking. --Jonathon Swift
• My definition of an optimist has to be the Luftwaffe F-104 pilot who gave up smoking! --John Wiley
• In response to how he checked the weather, "I just whip out my blue card with a hole in it and read what it says: 'When color of card matches color of sky, FLY!'" --Gordon Baxter
• Instrument flying is an unnatural act probably punishable by God. --Gordon Baxter
• When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it's a fun job and easy to do. That's why there are so many pilots flying around these days. --5th grade student
• Pilots don't need much school. They just have to learn to read numbers so they can read their instruments. --5th grade student
• I guess they should be able to read a road map, too. --5th grade student
• Pilots should be brave to they won't get scared it it's foggy and they can't see, or if a wing or motor falls off. --5th grade student
• Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds, and they can't be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are much closer to them than we are. --5th grade student
• The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more money than they know what to do with. This is because most people think that flying a plane is dangerous, except pilots don't because they know how easy it is. --5th grade student
• I hope I don't get airsick because I get carsick and if I get airsick, I couldn't be a pilot and then I would have to go to work. --5th grade student
• Arguing with a pilot is like wrestling with a pig in the mud, after a while you begin to think the pig likes it. --Seen on a General Dynamics bulletin board
• It doesn't do any good to stand on the airplane's brakes when you're already on your back! --Rex Thorp
• Nothing said I had to crash. --R.A. Bob Hoover
• In the Alaska bush I'd rather have a two hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa. --Kurt Wien
• Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to be this old? --Anon
• I know, but this guy doing the flying has no airline experience at all. He's a menace to himself and everything else in the air. ... Yes, birds too. --from the movie 'Airplane.'
• They're beeping and they're flashing. They're flashing and they're beeping! I cant stand it anymore, they're blinking and they're flashing. --Buck Murdock, 'Airplane II'
• Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute. --George Bernard Shaw
• The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. --Mark Russell
• When asked why he was referred to as 'Ace': Because during World War Two I was responsible for the destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy. --Captain Ray Lancaster, USAAF.
• The light at the end of the tunnel is another airplanes landing light coming down head-on to the runway you are taking off from. --Robert Livingston, 'Flying The Aeronca.'
• If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins? --Anon
• What is that mountain goat doing way up here in the clouds? --Gary Larson, in a well-known 'Farside' cartoon.
• Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed. --Anon.
• Buttons . . . check. Dials . . . check. Switches . . . check. Little colored lights . . . check. --'Cavin and Hobbes'
• Leader, bandits at 2 o?clock! Roger; it's only 1:30 now .. what'll I do 'til then? --'Cavin and Hobbes'
• It only takes five years to go from rumor to standard operating procedure. --Dick Markgraf
• Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers & helicopters -- in that order -- need two. --Paul Slattery
• I've flown every seat on this airplane, can someone tell me why the other two are always occupied by idiots? --Don Taylor
• Somebody said that carrier pilots were the best in the world, and they must be or there wouldn't be any of them left alive. --Ernie Pyle
• Flying an aeroplane with only a single propeller to keep you in the air. Can you imagine that? --Captain Picard
• MaCleod, since you've flown the SeaBee? a lot you'll understand when I say it was the only airplane I ever owned that you could put in a dive, loose a cylinder and stall out! --Ernest K. Gann
• I don't like flying because I'm afraid of crashing into a large mountain. I don't think Dramamine is going to help. --Kaffie, in the 1992 movie 'A Few Good Men.'
• I never liked riding in helicopters because there's a fair probability that the bottom part will get going around as fast as the top part. --Lt. Col. John Wittenborn, USAFR.
• Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. --G. K. Chesteron, 'Orthodoxy,' 1908.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet air intakes --Anon.
• The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. --Douglas Adams, 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.'
• Muhammad Ali: Superman don?t need no seat belt. Flight Attendant: Superman don?t need no airplane, either. --'The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes,' 1985.
• I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can. --Bill Cosby
• Hey, everybody -- watch this! --famous last words
• "Remember, Wings up, Wheels Down!"
• There are old Pilots, and bold Pilots, but few Old, Bold Pilots. --Famous truism
• "Expect lower at the end of this transmission." --ORD Tower
• "Citation 123, if you quit calling me center, I'll quit calling you twin Cessna." --ORD Tower
• "About three miles ahead you've got traffic 12 o'clock, five miles." --ORD Tower
• "If you hear me, traffic no longer a factor." --ORD Tower
• "You got him on TCAS? Great. When you're seven in trail, resume normal speed and call Chicago Center on 120.12." --ORD Tower
• "I am way too busy for anybody to cancel on me." --ORD Tower
• "You got any more smart remarks, we can be doing this over South Bend ... go ahead." --ORD Tower
• "You're gonna have to key the mike. I can't see you when you nod your head." --ORD Tower
• "It's too late for Louisville. We're going back to O'Hare." --ORD Tower
• "Put your compass on 'E' and get out of my airspace." --ORD Tower
• "Don't anybody maintain anything. --ORD Tower
• "Caution wake turbulence you're following a heavy 12 o'clock, three ... no, let's make it five miles." --ORD Tower
• "Climb like you're life depends on it ... because it does." --ORD Tower
• "If you want more room Captain, push your seat back." --ORD Tower
• "For radar identification throw your jumpseat rider out the window." --ORD Tower
• "Air Force one, I told you to expedite." --ORD Tower
• "Listen up gentlemen, or something's gonna happen that none of us wants to see. Besides that, you're (tickin') me off!" --ORD Tower
• "Leave five on the glide, have a nice ride, tower inside, twenty-six nine .... see ya!" --ORD Tower
• "Japan Air Ten Heavy, how 'bout a radio check?" (Response -"Rogah, switching!") --ORD Tower
• "Approach, how far from the airport are we in minutes?" | "N923, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get here." --ORD Tower
• "American Two-Twenty, Eneey, meeny, miney, moe, how do you hear my radio? --ORD Tower
• "Air Wisconsin Three-Thirty-Five, caution wake turbulence, there is an Air Wisconsin Three-Forty-Five on the frequency." --ORD Tower
• "I don't mind altitude separation as long as they're not on top of each other." --ORD Tower
• "We were told Rwy 9...we'll take out the 14R approach plate." | "Captain you got sixty miles to take it out...have a ball." --ORD Tower
• "The traffic at nine o'clock's gonna do a little Linda Ronstadt on you." | "Linda Ronstadt? What's that?" | "Well, sir, they're gonna 'Blue Bayou'." --ORD Tower
• "I can see the country club down below...look's like a lot of controllers out there!" | "Yes, sir, there is...and they're caddying for DC-10 drivers like you." --ORD Tower
• "N07K you look like you're established on the localizer and I don't know the names of any of the fixes, you're cleared for the ILS approach. Call the tower." --ORD TOwer
• "MidEx 726, sorry about that, Center thought you were a Midway arrival. Just sit back, relax and pass out some more cookies...we'll get you to Milwaukee." --ORD Tower
• "Approach, what's our sequence?" | "Calling for the sequence I missed your callsign, but if I find out what it is, you're last." --ORD Tower
• "Sure you can have eight miles behind the heavy...there'll be a United tri-jet between you and him." --ORD Tower
• "Approach, SWA436, you want us to turn right to 090?" | "No, I want your brother to turn. Just do it and don't argue." --ORD Tower
• "Approach UAL525 what's this aircraft doing at my altitude?" | "UAL525, what makes you think it's YOUR altitude, Captain?" --ORD Tower
• "DAL1176, say speed." | "DAL1176, we slowed it down to two-twenty." | "DAL1176 pick it back up to two-fifty...this ain't Atlanta, and them ain't grits on the ground." --ORD Tower
• "Request Runway 27 Right." | "Unable." | "Approach, do you know the wind at six thousand is 270 at fifty?" | "Yeah, I do, and if we could jack the airport up to fifty-five hundred you could have that runway. Expect 14 Right." --ORD Tower
• "Air Force Four-Five, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected." --ORD Tower
• "The first officer says he's got you in sight." | "Roger, the first officer's cleared for a visual approach runway 27 Right...you continue on that 180 heading and descend to three thousand." --ORD Tower
• "Hey, O'Hare, you see the 7600 code flashing five northwest of Gary?" | "Yeah, I do...you guys talkin' to him?" --ORD Tower
• "Approach, what's the tower?" | "That's a big tall building with glass all around it, but that's not important right now." --ORD Tower
• "How far behind traffic are we?" | "Three miles." | "That doesn't look like three miles to us!" | "You're a mile and a half from him, he's a mile and a half from you...that's three miles." --ORD Tower
• "Turn in and take over .. you know the rest." --ORD Tower
• "When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." --Henry Ford
• It must be that the airplane's propeller serves only to cool the pilot off... Because if you make it stop, he sure starts to sweat.
• "Aviation is proof that given, the will, we have the capacity to achieve the impossible." --Eddie Rickenbacker
• Oshkosh! "Woodstock" for the pilots, and an "All Star Game" for the controllers.
• "When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return." -- Leonardo da Vinci
• "No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings." -- William Blake
• "Pilots take no special joy in walking. Pilots like flying." -- Neil Armstrong
• "The way I see it, you can either work for a living or you can fly airplanes. Me, I'd rather fly." -- Len Morgan
• "Pilots are a rare kind of human. They leave the ordinary surface of the word, to purify their soul in the sky, and they come down to earth, only after receiving the communion of the infinite." -- José Maria Velasco Ibarra, President of Ecuador
• "Ours is the commencement of a flying age, and I am happy to have popped into existence at a period so interesting." -- Amelia Earhart 20 Hrs 40 Mins 1928.
• "To invent an airplane is nothing. To build an airplane is something. But to fly ... is everything." -- Ferdinand Ferber
• "I didn't crash the plane. I simply relocated the aircraft with extreme prejudice, after a complete loss of lift and thrust functions!" -- H.M. "Howlin' Mad" Murdoc, The A-Team
• "It's not the flying I have a problem with. It's smashing into the ground that I have a problem with." -- Jasper Carrott

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